Author: Dr Elizabeth Woodcock

If a child with selective mutism isn’t speaking at school, teachers can be unsure about what to do.

Should they keep asking questions?

Should they stop asking altogether?

Neither approach is quite right.

The goal isn’t to avoid communicating with the child. It’s to find ways of communicating that don’t create unnecessary pressure around speaking.

Why can questions be difficult?

For most children, being asked a question is a normal part of the school day.

“What did you do on the weekend?”

“What’s the answer?”

“Which book would you like?”

But for a child with selective mutism, a direct question can create an expectation that they need to speak.

They may know the answer.

They may want to answer.

They may even have the words ready in their head.

But anxiety can make it difficult to say them aloud.

This can be particularly difficult when other children are listening or looking at them.

If the teacher asks again because the child hasn’t answered, the pressure can build.

Should teachers stop asking questions?

Not necessarily.

Avoiding all questions can unintentionally send the message that the child isn’t expected to participate.

It can also make it harder for the teacher to find out what the child knows or needs.

Instead, think about how, when and why you’re asking the question.

A child who finds it difficult to answer a question in front of the whole class may be more comfortable responding when the teacher is nearby and there are fewer people around.

Another child might be able to answer using a nod, pointing or writing, even though they can’t give a spoken answer.

The response doesn’t always have to be spoken.

Try comments as well as questions

Questions aren’t the only way to communicate with a child.

Comments can take some of the pressure away because they don’t require an immediate response.

For example, instead of:

“What are you drawing?”

you could say:

“You’ve drawn a lot of people in your picture.”

Or instead of:

“Did you enjoy the excursion?”

you might say:

“It looked like you had a busy day yesterday.”

The child can respond if they want to.

There’s no demand for an answer.

Over time, these small interactions can help build a comfortable relationship between the child and teacher.

Avoid asking the same question repeatedly

If a child doesn’t answer, it can be tempting to ask again.

“What colour is it?”

“What colour?”

“Can you tell me what colour it is?”

For a child experiencing anxiety, each additional question can increase the pressure.

If the child isn’t able to answer, try moving on rather than making the lack of response the focus.

You can come back to the topic later or provide another way for the child to respond.

This doesn’t mean the teacher is giving up.

It’s about recognising when the pressure is becoming too much.

Give the child other ways to respond

A child with selective mutism may be able to communicate without speaking.

They might:

• Nod or shake their head
• Point
• Use gestures
• Write an answer
• Choose between two options
• Show the teacher what they mean
• Use a communication system where appropriate

These responses can be useful, particularly when the child is very anxious.

For example, instead of asking, “Do you need help?” and waiting for a spoken answer, a teacher could offer a choice:

“Do you need help with this one or this one?”

The child might point to the option they need.

This allows the child to communicate without having to produce speech when they’re not ready.

What about answering questions in front of the class?

Being asked to answer in front of everyone can be particularly difficult.

A child might know the answer perfectly well but freeze when attention turns towards them.

Teachers can reduce pressure by avoiding putting the child on the spot.

For example, if the class is taking turns reading aloud, the child shouldn’t be unexpectedly asked to read if speaking in front of the class is currently too difficult.

This doesn’t mean they’ll never be able to do it.

Spoken participation can be built gradually as the child’s anxiety decreases.

The important thing is to work from what the child can currently manage rather than jumping straight to the most difficult situation.

What if the child can answer privately?

Some children with selective mutism communicate more easily when they’re alone with a teacher.

Others may still find direct questions difficult even when there are no other children around.

There’s no single rule.

If a child is comfortable speaking privately, this can provide useful opportunities for communication.

But teachers shouldn’t assume that taking the child aside will automatically make them talk.

The level of anxiety can change depending on the person, place and situation.

Don’t make a big deal when the child speaks

If a child who rarely speaks suddenly answers a question, it can be tempting to show how pleased you are.

“Wow! You talked!”

“Everyone, Sarah just answered!”

Even though this is meant positively, drawing attention to the speech can make the child feel self-conscious.

A calm, natural response is often more helpful.

Simply continue the conversation.

The child doesn’t need to feel that every spoken word is being watched or celebrated.

Keep communicating with the child

One of the most important things teachers can do is continue to communicate with the child.

Don’t stop talking to them because they aren’t answering.

Don’t leave them out of conversations.

Don’t assume they don’t understand because they’re not speaking.

Talk to them in the same warm and respectful way you would talk to any other child.

Give them opportunities to participate and respond in ways they can manage.

At the same time, avoid creating situations where they’re repeatedly expected to speak when they’re clearly struggling.

The aim isn’t to remove all expectations to speak

It can sometimes feel as though the safest option is to never ask a child with selective mutism to speak.

But the long-term goal isn’t for the child to avoid speaking forever.

Treatment and support can involve gradually increasing spoken communication in situations that currently feel difficult.

The pace matters.

A child needs opportunities to experience success rather than being pushed into situations that are far beyond what they can currently manage.

Teachers can work with parents and the child’s treating professionals to understand what the child is currently able to do and how communication can be gradually extended.

So, should teachers ask questions?

Yes, but thoughtfully.

Think about the child’s anxiety, the situation, the wording of the question and what alternatives are available.

A question shouldn’t become a test that the child has to pass.

Sometimes the best interaction will be a question. Sometimes it’ll be a comment. Sometimes the child may answer with a gesture, a nod or a written response.

What matters is keeping the child included and finding ways to communicate that support them without putting them under unnecessary pressure.

More articles: What Is Selective Mutism? A Guide for Parents | CBT for Selective Mutism | Is Selective Mutism an Anxiety Disorder? | Speech Therapy, Play Therapy or Medication for Selective Mutism? | Selective Mutism or Shyness?

Your child might talk constantly to you, but barely say a word to someone else.

Perhaps they chat with their dad but won’t speak to their teacher. They might talk to one friend at school but become completely silent when another child joins them.

This can be confusing for parents.

You know your child can talk. You’ve heard them tell stories, ask questions and make jokes at home. So why does their communication change so much depending on who they’re with?

For a child with selective mutism, this can be part of the condition.

Why does my child talk to some people but not others?

Selective mutism isn’t simply about whether a child can talk.

It’s about whether they’re able to speak comfortably in particular situations.

The person they’re with can make a big difference.

A child may feel comfortable talking to someone they’ve known for years but become very anxious with someone they’re less familiar with. They may speak to a parent but not a teacher, or to one teacher but not another.

This can happen even when the child likes the person they’re not speaking to.

It’s not necessarily about who they trust or who they like.

Anxiety can make speaking difficult with particular people.

Familiarity can make a difference

People who are familiar tend to feel more predictable.

Your child knows how their parent will respond. They know what their sibling is likely to say. They may already have a comfortable pattern of communicating with a close friend.

A new teacher or unfamiliar adult is different.

The child may not know what the person expects from them, how they’ll respond to mistakes or what might happen if they say the wrong thing.

For a child who experiences anxiety around speaking, that uncertainty can make communication harder.

This is one reason a child may start talking to a teacher after they’ve known them for some time, but still struggle to speak to unfamiliar adults.

It can change depending on the situation too

It’s not always just about the person.

The situation matters as well.

Your child might talk to their teacher when they’re alone but not when the whole class is watching.

They might talk to a friend while playing but not when they’re sitting at a table and everyone is expected to take turns speaking.

They might speak in the playground but not in the classroom.

They might whisper rather than use their normal voice.

These differences can give you useful information.

Instead of thinking about whether your child “does” or “doesn’t” talk, look at the situations where communication becomes easier or harder.

What if my child talks to one friend?

This is quite common.

A child with selective mutism may have one friend they can talk to comfortably.

You might see them chatting together at home or speaking quietly during a particular activity at school.

Then another child joins them and your child suddenly stops talking.

That change can be surprising.

But it doesn’t mean your child was pretending to be unable to speak before.

The number of people present can change how anxious they feel.

Speaking to one person can feel very different from speaking when several people are listening.

Don’t compare your child with themselves

Parents understandably notice these differences.

You might say:

“But you talk to Grandma.”

Or:

“You talked to your friend yesterday. Why won’t you talk to your teacher?”

You aren’t saying this to be unkind. You’re trying to help your child understand that they can speak.

But comparisons can sometimes add pressure.

Your child already knows they can talk.

The problem is that speaking isn’t equally easy in every situation.

Instead, you can acknowledge the difference without making it a problem.

For example:

“I know talking to some people feels easier than talking to others.”

That can help your child feel understood rather than tested.

What about whispering?

Whispering can sometimes be a step towards spoken communication.

A child might be able to whisper to a teacher but not use their normal speaking voice. They might whisper to a friend but not speak when other children are nearby.

It’s useful to notice this rather than dismissing it as “not really talking”.

At the same time, whispering isn’t automatically a sign of selective mutism.

The overall pattern matters.

A professional assessment can help you understand what is happening if you’re concerned about your child’s communication.

What can teachers do?

Teachers can look for situations where the child is already communicating more comfortably.

Perhaps the child speaks to one particular friend.

Maybe they communicate more during practical activities than whole-class discussions.

Perhaps they can answer when the teacher is sitting beside them rather than standing in front of the class.

These situations can provide useful starting points.

Teachers can also avoid putting the child on the spot or drawing attention to differences in how they communicate with different people.

It’s important to keep including the child in classroom conversations, even when they aren’t speaking.

A child shouldn’t feel as though they’re being left out simply because talking is difficult.

Build from what’s already working

If a child can communicate with one person, that doesn’t mean they’re ready to communicate with everyone.

But it can give parents, teachers and treating professionals somewhere to start.

For example, if a child speaks comfortably to one friend, they may gradually become more comfortable communicating with another child in a similar setting.

If they can speak to their teacher privately, that may be a useful starting point before working towards speaking when other children are present.

Progress doesn’t always happen in a straight line.

A child might manage something one day and find it difficult again the next.

That’s not unusual.

Don’t stop communicating with your child

When a child isn’t speaking, adults sometimes become unsure about whether they should talk to them at all.

Keep talking to them.

Ask questions when appropriate. Make comments. Include them in conversations. Give them opportunities to respond without putting them under pressure.

You don’t need to pretend the child isn’t there just because they aren’t speaking.

They are still listening, understanding and communicating in other ways.

Look at the whole pattern

When you’re trying to understand why your child talks to some people but not others, look at the whole picture.

Who can they talk to?

Where do they speak?

Where don’t they speak?

What happens when someone new joins the conversation?

Is it easier when fewer people are around?

Can they whisper, gesture or communicate in another way?

Has this pattern been consistent over time?

These details can help show whether anxiety may be affecting your child’s ability to speak.

If your child’s communication is consistently restricted in particular situations and it’s affecting school, friendships or everyday life, it’s worth seeking professional advice.

The goal isn’t to make your child talk to everyone straight away.

It’s to understand what makes communication easier or harder, and then help them take the next step.

More articles: What Is Selective Mutism? A Guide for Parents | CBT for Selective Mutism | Is Selective Mutism an Anxiety Disorder? | Speech Therapy, Play Therapy or Medication for Selective Mutism? | Selective Mutism or Shyness?

Your child talks at home. They might talk to their siblings, grandparents or close friends.

Then they walk into a psychologist’s office and don’t say a word.

You might leave the appointment wondering, How can therapy help if my child won’t talk to the psychologist?

If your child has selective mutism, this can be particularly confusing.

The important thing to understand is that your child’s silence isn’t necessarily a refusal to participate. For some children, anxiety can make speaking extremely difficult, even when they want to talk.

Your child may not be refusing to talk

When a child stays silent during a psychology session, it can be tempting to think they’re being stubborn or refusing to cooperate.

But selective mutism is linked to anxiety.

Your child may know exactly what they want to say. They may even be able to say it easily at home.

The difficulty is that their anxiety becomes much stronger in certain situations, making it difficult to speak.

This is why a child can spend an entire evening chatting with their family and then sit silently when they’re asked a simple question by their psychologist.

It isn’t necessarily a choice.

Your child doesn’t have to talk in the first session

Parents sometimes feel disappointed when their child doesn’t speak during the first appointment.

But the first session doesn’t have to involve lots of talking.

Your child may need time to get used to the psychologist, the room and the way the sessions work.

They can still communicate in other ways.

Your child might:

• Nod or shake their head
• Point to something
• Use gestures
• Draw
• Write
• Play
• Whisper to you
• Show the psychologist something they’re interested in
• Use another form of communication that feels comfortable

These responses can help the psychologist understand your child and begin building a relationship with them.

The psychologist can also learn a lot by watching how your child interacts with you.

Don’t turn the appointment into a speaking test

It can be tempting to prepare your child by saying, “You need to talk to the psychologist today.”

You might also find yourself saying things like, “Just answer the question” or “You know you can talk.”

It’s understandable.

You want your child to get the most out of the appointment.

But putting extra attention on speaking can increase the pressure your child is already experiencing.

Instead, you can let your child know that they can take their time.

You might say:

“You don’t have to talk straight away. You can take your time and the psychologist will help you.”

That gives your child a different message.

They don’t have to perform.

Tell the psychologist what happens outside the session

Your child may not be able to explain what they’re experiencing during the appointment.

That’s where parents can provide useful information.

Before or during the appointment, tell the psychologist about your child’s communication in different situations.

For example:

• Who does your child talk to comfortably?
• Where do they speak?
• Where don’t they speak?
• Do they whisper to anyone?
• Can they answer with a nod or gesture?
• Do they speak more when there are fewer people around?
• Are there particular activities where communication is easier?
• What happens when someone asks them a direct question?

These details can help the psychologist understand the difference between what your child can do and what they can currently manage in situations where they’re anxious.

Parents can sometimes stay in the room

For some children, having a parent nearby makes it easier to participate.

Your child might not speak directly to the psychologist, but they may talk to you, whisper or communicate through gestures.

This can provide a useful starting point.

The psychologist may gradually work towards more direct communication as your child becomes comfortable.

Depending on the child and the treatment approach, a parent might stay in the room initially and then gradually spend less time there.

There isn’t a set timetable.

Some children may need more support at the beginning, while others may become comfortable with the psychologist relatively quickly.

What if the psychologist keeps asking questions?

Questions aren’t automatically a problem.

But repeated questions can increase pressure for a child who is already struggling to speak.

If your child doesn’t answer, asking again and again may not make the words come out.

The psychologist might instead use comments, activities or play to create opportunities for communication.

For example, rather than repeatedly asking, “What did you do at school today?”, they might comment on something your child is doing and give them the opportunity to respond.

A child may also be given choices or ways to communicate without speaking.

The approach should take the child’s anxiety into account.

Therapy can still make progress without speech

It can be easy to think that nothing is happening if your child isn’t talking.

But there are other signs of progress.

Your child might become more comfortable entering the room.

They might sit closer to the psychologist.

They may start making eye contact more comfortably, show the psychologist something they’re interested in or respond with gestures.

Perhaps they begin whispering to you while the psychologist is nearby.

These small changes can matter.

They may create a foundation for later spoken communication.

Communication can be built gradually

Treatment for selective mutism often involves gradually helping a child communicate in situations that currently feel difficult.

The starting point will be different for each child.

One child might begin by speaking to a parent while the psychologist is nearby.

Another might start by making a sound, whispering or answering with a single word.

Over time, they may work towards speaking more directly to the psychologist.

The psychologist should consider what your child can manage now and build from there.

Pushing too quickly can make the situation harder.

What if my child still doesn’t talk after several sessions?

If your child isn’t speaking after several appointments, it doesn’t automatically mean that therapy isn’t working.

However, it’s reasonable to talk with the psychologist about what’s happening.

Ask what they’re noticing, what the current treatment goals are and what the next steps might be.

You can also share your observations from home and school.

If you feel your child is repeatedly being pressured to speak, or that the psychologist doesn’t understand selective mutism, it’s important to raise this.

Your child’s treatment should take their anxiety and communication difficulties into account.

A psychologist with experience treating selective mutism should understand that a child may not be able to speak simply because they’re being asked to.

What can you do before the appointment?

Keep the preparation simple.

You can tell your child where you’re going, who they’ll see and what might happen during the session.

Try not to make speaking the main focus.

You could say:

“We’re going to see your psychologist today. You can take your time and we’ll see what happens.”

It can also help to bring something your child enjoys, particularly if it gives them a comfortable activity to focus on while they’re getting used to the psychologist.

Most importantly, don’t make the session something your child has to succeed at by speaking.

They can participate without saying a word.

Your child can start therapy without talking

If your child won’t talk to their psychologist, it doesn’t mean there’s nothing the psychologist can do.

The first steps may be much smaller.

Getting comfortable in the room. Building a relationship. Finding ways to communicate. Understanding what situations make speaking harder.

For some children, that’s where therapy needs to begin.

And when your child is ready, spoken communication can be built from there.

More articles: What Is Selective Mutism? A Guide for Parents | CBT for Selective Mutism | Is Selective Mutism an Anxiety Disorder? | Speech Therapy, Play Therapy or Medication for Selective Mutism? | Selective Mutism or Shyness?

If your child has selective mutism and is seeing a psychologist, you might wonder whether you should stay in the room.

You might think your child will feel safer with you there.

Or you might worry that they’ll never talk to the psychologist if you’re sitting beside them.

There isn’t one answer that works for every child.

Whether a parent stays in the room can depend on the child, the purpose of the session, how anxious they are and where they are in the treatment process.

Your child may need you there at first

For some children, walking into a room with an unfamiliar psychologist can feel overwhelming.

Having a parent nearby can make the situation feel more familiar.

Your child might not speak to the psychologist, but they may be able to talk to you. They might whisper in your ear, answer you quietly or communicate through gestures.

That’s useful information.

It gives the psychologist a chance to see how your child communicates when they feel more comfortable.

It also means your child can start getting used to the psychologist without immediately being expected to speak to them.

Your child doesn’t have to talk in the first session

Parents sometimes worry when their child doesn’t say anything during the first appointment.

But the first session doesn’t need to be a test of whether your child can talk to the psychologist.

Your child may spend the session getting used to the room, the psychologist and what is expected.

They might draw, play, gesture, nod or communicate with you.

The psychologist can also spend time talking with you about your child’s history, communication and what you’ve been noticing at home and school.

There is still plenty of work that can happen even when your child isn’t speaking.

What if my child only talks to me?

This can actually be a useful starting point.

If your child can talk to you but not the psychologist, the psychologist can gradually work towards communication with the child.

This might happen in small steps.

Your child might first talk to you while the psychologist is in the room.

Later, the psychologist might join in with an activity without asking the child direct questions.

Over time, the child may become comfortable communicating more directly with the psychologist.

The exact approach will depend on the child.

There’s no need to rush from “talks to Mum” to “talks directly to the psychologist” in one session.

Should parents answer for their child?

This can be a tricky balance.

If your child is sitting silently, it’s natural to want to help.

You might answer every question the psychologist asks because you know what your child wants to say.

Sometimes that’s necessary.

But if your child can communicate through a nod, gesture, pointing or another way, it’s useful to give them the opportunity to respond themselves.

The psychologist might ask you a question such as, “Does your child like drawing?”

You can answer if your child isn’t able to.

But if the psychologist asks your child which colour they’d like to use, your child might be able to point to their choice.

They don’t always need to speak for their communication to be recognised.

When might a parent gradually leave the room?

As your child becomes more comfortable, the psychologist may suggest changing how much time you spend in the room.

This could happen gradually.

You might start by sitting right beside your child.

Then you might move to another part of the room.

Later, you might step outside for a short period and return.

For another child, a parent might be involved differently.

There isn’t a set timetable.

The important thing is that changes are made thoughtfully rather than suddenly removing the parent and expecting the child to cope.

If your child becomes much more anxious when you leave, that’s useful information too.

It may mean they need more time or a different step before separation is introduced.

What if my child talks more when I’m not there?

Some children find it easier to speak when their parent isn’t present.

Others find the opposite.

If your child talks more freely with the psychologist when you’re out of the room, that doesn’t necessarily mean you were stopping them from talking.

It may simply be that the situation feels different without the parent there.

The psychologist can help work out what arrangement allows your child to communicate most comfortably.

What about online psychology sessions?

The same principles can apply to telehealth.

Your child may feel more comfortable joining a session from home because the environment is familiar.

Having a parent nearby can also make it easier to participate.

However, being at home doesn’t automatically mean your child will speak to the psychologist.

They may still become quiet when the session starts.

You can discuss with the psychologist whether you should stay nearby, sit with your child for part of the session or gradually give them more space.

Don’t make leaving the room the goal

It can be easy to think that successful therapy means your child can eventually sit alone with the psychologist.

That isn’t necessarily the most important measure.

The bigger question is whether your child is becoming more comfortable communicating and whether the situations that once felt difficult are becoming easier.

For some children, staying with a parent for part of treatment may be appropriate.

For others, gradually increasing independence may be helpful.

The approach needs to fit the child rather than following a fixed rule.

What can parents do during sessions?

If you’re staying in the room, try to let the psychologist lead the session.

You don’t need to fill every silence.

You don’t need to encourage your child to answer every question.

You don’t need to say, “Come on, you can talk to them.”

If your child looks at you for reassurance, you can respond calmly.

If they’re able to answer with a gesture, let them do that.

You can also share useful information with the psychologist, particularly if you’ve noticed patterns that your child can’t explain themselves.

For example, you might say, “She talks a lot more when we’re outside” or “He can whisper to his teacher but won’t use his normal voice.”

These details can help shape the treatment approach.

There isn’t a right answer for every family

Some children will need their parent close by at the beginning.

Some will gradually manage without them.

Others may move back and forth depending on how they’re feeling or what they’re being asked to do in the session.

That’s okay.

If your child isn’t talking to the psychologist, it doesn’t mean therapy can’t start.

The psychologist can begin by building a relationship with your child, understanding how they communicate and creating situations where speaking feels more manageable.

For a child with selective mutism, the first step may simply be feeling comfortable enough to be in the room.

More articles: What Is Selective Mutism? A Guide for Parents | CBT for Selective Mutism | Is Selective Mutism an Anxiety Disorder? | Speech Therapy, Play Therapy or Medication for Selective Mutism? | Selective Mutism or Shyness?

If your child isn’t talking in certain situations, you might wonder whether selective mutism could be related to autism.

It can be confusing, particularly because some of the behaviours can look similar.

A child with selective mutism may not speak in certain social situations. They might avoid eye contact, seem withdrawn or find it difficult to interact with other people.

Some of these behaviours can also occur in autistic children.

But selective mutism and autism are different conditions. It’s also possible for a child to have both.

Understanding the reasons behind your child’s behaviour can help you work out what support they need.

What is selective mutism?

Selective mutism is an anxiety condition where a child has a persistent difficulty speaking in particular social situations, despite being able to speak comfortably in other situations.

For example, a child might talk constantly at home but not speak at school.

They may talk to their parents but not their teacher. They might speak to one friend but become silent when other children join the conversation.

The child usually isn’t choosing not to speak.

Anxiety can interfere with their ability to speak in situations that feel difficult.

What is autism?

Autism is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects social communication and interaction. It can also involve restricted or repetitive behaviours, interests or activities.

Autism can look very different from one child to another.

Some autistic children speak a lot. Others may have limited spoken language or communicate in other ways.

Some children may find social interaction difficult, have strong interests, prefer predictable routines or experience sensory differences.

The important thing is to look at the child’s overall developmental pattern rather than focusing on one behaviour.

Why can they look similar?

There can be some overlap between selective mutism and autism.

For example, a child with either condition might:

• Speak less in unfamiliar situations
• Find social situations difficult
• Avoid eye contact
• Appear quiet or withdrawn
• Use gestures instead of speaking
• Find changes or unfamiliar environments difficult
• Have difficulty joining group activities

This overlap can sometimes make it difficult to understand what’s happening.

The reason behind the behaviour matters.

A child with selective mutism may want to join a conversation but become unable to speak because of anxiety.

An autistic child may not respond because they process social communication differently, don’t understand what is expected, are focused on something else, or find the social situation overwhelming.

There can also be more than one reason for a particular behaviour.

What if my child talks at home?

Talking freely at home doesn’t rule out autism.

It also doesn’t rule out selective mutism.

Some autistic children are very talkative with people they know well. They may have detailed conversations about their favourite interests and appear very socially confident with family members.

A child with selective mutism may also talk freely at home but struggle to speak at school or in other situations.

This is why it’s important to look at the full picture.

Ask what communication is like across different people and settings. Consider how your child interacts with others, how they play, how they respond to changes, how they communicate their needs and whether they show restricted or repetitive behaviours or interests.

Can a child have both autism and selective mutism?

Yes.

A child can be autistic and also experience selective mutism.

In this situation, it can be particularly important to understand what is contributing to the difficulty in each setting.

For example, a child might find social communication difficult because of autism and also experience significant anxiety about speaking at school.

Treating one difficulty doesn’t necessarily address the other.

The support your child needs should take both into account.

What about eye contact?

Eye contact can sometimes be part of the picture, but it shouldn’t be used on its own to determine whether a child is autistic.

A child with selective mutism may avoid eye contact because they’re anxious or uncomfortable in a particular situation.

An autistic child may also have differences in eye contact, but these can occur for different reasons.

Some autistic people make little eye contact. Others make more eye contact in familiar situations or have learned social behaviours that don’t necessarily reflect how comfortable they feel.

Looking at eye contact in isolation won’t give you the answer.

Look at the pattern across settings

One of the most useful things to consider is what stays the same and what changes.

Does your child communicate differently with familiar and unfamiliar people?

Do they struggle with social interaction even when they’re comfortable?

Do they have strong interests or repetitive behaviours?

Do they find sensory experiences particularly difficult?

Do they speak freely in some settings but become silent in others?

Does the difficulty appear to be closely linked to particular people, places or situations?

These questions can help professionals understand what might be happening.

It’s also helpful to speak with people who know your child in different environments. Parents may see things at home that teachers don’t see at school, and vice versa.

Don’t assume that silence tells the whole story

When a child isn’t talking, it can be tempting to focus on the silence.

But silence is only one part of the picture.

Think about what your child is communicating in other ways. Are they pointing, gesturing, writing, showing you things, using facial expressions or speaking quietly to someone they trust?

Also consider what happens just before they become quiet.

Are they being asked a direct question? Has someone unfamiliar entered the room? Are lots of people watching them? Has the routine changed?

These details can help identify whether anxiety is playing a role.

What should you do if you’re concerned?

If you’re unsure whether your child’s difficulties are related to selective mutism, autism or both, a professional assessment can help.

You don’t need to work it out on your own.

A psychologist or other appropriate health professional can look at your child’s development, communication and behaviour across different settings.

It’s useful to provide information from home and school, as well as examples of situations where your child communicates comfortably and situations where they struggle.

Try not to focus on whether your child “looks autistic” or “looks like they have selective mutism”.

The more useful question is what’s happening for your child and what is making communication or social interaction difficult in particular situations.

More articles: What Is Selective Mutism? A Guide for Parents | CBT for Selective Mutism | Is Selective Mutism an Anxiety Disorder? | Speech Therapy, Play Therapy or Medication for Selective Mutism? | Selective Mutism or Shyness?