Your child chats non-stop at home, but at preschool or school they don’t say a word. The teacher may describe them as “very shy” or say they’ll grow out of it. If this sounds familiar, your child may have Selective Mutism.
What is Selective Mutism?
Selective Mutism is an anxiety disorder. (Read more: Is Selective Mutism an Anxiety Disorder?) Children with Selective Mutism can talk – often a lot – where they feel comfortable, usually at home with family. But in other places, such as preschool, school or with people they don’t know well, they consistently can’t speak, even when they want to.
It isn’t a choice, and it isn’t stubbornness or rudeness. When the child is expected to speak, their anxiety is so strong that the words won’t come. Many children describe it as feeling “stuck”.
How common is it?
Selective Mutism is less common than other childhood anxiety problems, but it isn’t rare. Studies suggest it affects somewhere between about 1 in 100 and 1 in 200 young children. It is slightly more common in girls and in children learning more than one language.
Signs to look for
- Your child talks freely at home but not at preschool, kindy or school
- This has gone on for more than a month (not counting the first month at a new preschool or school)
- They may nod, point, whisper or write instead of talking – or freeze completely
- They may not speak to relatives, neighbours or shop assistants, or only talk when no one else can hear
- They may look tense, avoid eye contact or seem “frozen” when someone speaks to them
- Not speaking is getting in the way of their learning, friendships or everyday life
Signs often show up between 2 and 5 years of age, and are commonly noticed when a child starts preschool or school.
Selective Mutism or shyness?
Many children are shy and take time to warm up. A shy child usually starts talking once they are settled in. A child with Selective Mutism stays silent in the same places week after week, even with people they see every day, such as their teacher.
What causes it?
There is no single cause. Children with Selective Mutism are often born with a more anxious, cautious temperament, and many have family members who are anxious or shy. Over time, not speaking becomes a habit: each time a child avoids talking, their anxiety drops for a moment, which makes it harder to speak the next time. Some children also have speech or language difficulties, or are autistic, so a careful assessment is important.
Will my child grow out of it?
Waiting rarely helps. The longer a child goes without speaking at school, the more firmly the habit sets in, and other people get used to them not talking. Younger children usually progress faster, so it’s worth getting help early. Selective Mutism can be treated, and it helps to start early.
What helps
There are things you can start doing now:
- Take the pressure off. Don’t push, bribe or plead with your child to talk, and never punish them for not speaking.
- Avoid direct questions in places where your child is anxious. Make comments instead (“That’s a big tower you’ve built”), so there’s nothing they have to answer.
- Don’t answer for your child straight away. Give them a few seconds to respond in their own way.
- Notice brave steps. If your child speaks, respond naturally to what they said rather than making a fuss about the talking.
- Talk to the teacher. Share what you’ve noticed and ask that your child isn’t put on the spot.
How treatment works
Treatment is based on gradual, step-by-step practice. Your child starts by talking to someone they’re already comfortable with, and new people and places are added in small steps, so the anxiety stays manageable. Parents learn the strategies so they can use them every day, and the school or preschool is involved so progress carries over to the classroom. For children, treatment usually takes between 6 months and 2 years.
At the Selective Mutism Clinic, treatment starts with parent-only sessions, followed by sessions with your child and video meetings with their teacher or educator. Sessions are available at our clinic in St Leonards, Sydney, or online anywhere in Australia. Teenagers and adults with Selective Mutism can have treatment too.
Next steps
- Read more about our treatment program
- Watch our webinar Strategies for Parents of Children with Selective Mutism
- Share our support for schools with your child’s teacher
- Get in touch or call us on 02 9438 2511. You don’t need a referral to book; a GP referral is only needed for a Medicare rebate.
More articles: Selective Mutism and PDA: Helping Children Who Need to Feel in Control | Selective Mutism at School: Practical Tips for Parents & Teachers | Supporting Your Child When a School Psychologist Suggests “Give It Some Time” | Why Does My Child Talk at Home but Not at School? | CBT for Selective Mutism | Is Selective Mutism an Anxiety Disorder? | Speech Therapy, Play Therapy or Medication for Selective Mutism?
Written by Dr Elizabeth Woodcock, Clinical Psychologist and Director of the Selective Mutism Clinic in St Leonards, Sydney. Elizabeth has over 20 years’ experience as a clinical psychologist and has seen or supervised more than 1,800 children, teenagers and adults with Selective Mutism. She runs the clinic’s webinars for parents, teachers and health professionals. Read more about Elizabeth
