Author: Dr Elizabeth Woodcock

Many parents notice their child won’t speak at school even though they are chatty at home. When discussing this with the school psychologist, it’s common to hear that the child may need “some time” to adjust.

While children sometimes gradually feel more comfortable, selective mutism (SM) is an anxiety-based condition where additional support and collaboration can make a significant difference. This guide explains how parents can support their child while working together with school professionals.

Why Time Alone May Not Be Enough

Selective mutism is driven by anxiety. Children who won’t speak at school often want to communicate but feel too anxious to do so. While patience is important, combining observation with structured support helps children gain confidence and start speaking more quickly.

Without additional strategies, children may experience:

• Reduced classroom participation

• Difficulty forming friendships

• Stress or low self-esteem

• Avoidance of situations that require speaking

How Parents Can Work Collaboratively With the School

1. Schedule a Joint Discussion

Invite your child’s teacher and school psychologist to review:

• When and where your child won’t speak at school

• Possible triggers or patterns observed in class

• Current strategies in place

Sharing your observations from home helps create a full picture and ensures everyone is aligned.

2. Explore Classroom Supports

Together, discuss approaches that help your child feel safe while gradually encouraging speech, such as:

• Allowing non-verbal responses initially (gestures, cards, written answers)

• Small-group or one-on-one speaking opportunities

• Gradually increasing opportunities to speak in larger groups

3. Consider Specialist Guidance

A psychologist experienced in selective mutism can:

• Suggest home-based strategies to build confidence

• Guide the school on structured, supportive interventions

• Help coordinate a consistent approach between home and school

Collaboration ensures that children experience consistent, reassuring support across all settings.

Supporting Your Child at Home

Parents can reinforce communication confidence with practical steps:

• Keep routines predictable and calm

• Avoid pressuring the child to speak

• Practice “brave talking” in low-stress situations

• Encourage non-verbal communication as a valid form of expression

• Celebrate small successes

Even small steps create momentum and reduce stress for both child and parent.

When to Seek Additional Professional Support

If your child won’t speak at school and it impacts learning, friendships, or wellbeing, a professional assessment with a selective mutism specialist can help.

Specialist support may include:

• Identifying anxiety triggers

• Building a collaborative support plan with the school

• Coaching parents and teachers on gradual exposure strategies

• Helping your child speak confidently in safe, structured steps

Early guidance often accelerates progress and helps children feel secure and understood.

You’re Not Alone

Navigating selective mutism in school can feel challenging, but support is available.

At Selective Mutism Clinic, we work with families to create structured strategies, collaborate with school teams, and empower parents to guide their child safely toward communication success.

Contact us at admin@selectivemutism.com.au

Many parents notice their child happily chatting at home, only to go completely silent at school or around unfamiliar people.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone — and you’re not imagining it. This pattern is common, and for some children, it’s a sign of Selective Mutism, a childhood anxiety condition that can make speaking in certain settings feel impossible.

This guide explains what’s going on, why it happens, and how you can start supporting your child.

What Is Selective Mutism?

Selective Mutism (SM) is an anxiety-based condition where a child is able to speak comfortably in familiar settings — usually at home — but consistently struggles to speak in other environments.
School is the most common place where silence shows up.

It’s not stubbornness.
It’s not rudeness.
And it’s not simply shyness.

Children with SM want to speak, but anxiety stops their voice from coming out.

How It Shows Up at School

Every child is different, but many parents and teachers notice:

• Freezing or shutting down when spoken to

• Avoiding eye contact

• Whispering only to certain children, or not speaking at all

• Relying on gestures, nodding or pointing

• Refusing to ask for help, even when distressed

• Avoiding group activities or classroom participation

This silence can affect classroom learning, friendships and confidence — not because the child can’t speak, but because the speaking environment feels overwhelming.

Is It Just Shyness?

Shyness is common, and many children warm up over time.
Selective Mutism is different.

A child with SM often:

• speaks freely with immediate family

• freezes in specific situations (e.g. school, sports training, around extended family)

• stays silent for months or years without targeted support

• experiences physical anxiety symptoms (racing heart, tension, “stuck” feeling)

Unlike shyness, Selective Mutism rarely resolves on its own. Early support makes a big difference.

Why Does This Happen?

Selective Mutism is driven by anxiety.
When the child feels observed, pressured, or unsure of what others expect, the body goes into a “freeze” response — similar to stage fright.

This anxiety makes speaking feel too risky, even when the child knows exactly what they want to say.

What Parents Can Do Right Now

Here are the first practical steps that help:

1. Remove pressure to speak

Well-meaning prompts like “Just say hello” or “Use your words” can increase anxiety.
Instead, focus on helping your child feel safe and supported.

2. Talk to the teacher or school psychologist

Share what you’re seeing at home, and ask what they’re noticing.
This starts the collaborative process — a key part of SM support.

3. Encourage non-verbal communication

Gestures, pointing, thumbs-up, or nodding are all valid communication tools while confidence builds.

4. Create small, achievable steps

Gradual exposure works far better than pushing for speech.
For example, your child might start with:

• sitting near a trusted friend

• answering questions through cards or pointing

• speaking privately with one adult

• whispering before moving to audible speech

Small wins build momentum.

5. Monitor how anxiety shows up at home

Look for school-related stress, worry about speaking, changes in appetite or sleep, or reluctance to attend school.

When to Seek Professional Help

If your child’s silence has lasted more than a few months, or it’s impacting learning, friendships or wellbeing, an assessment with a psychologist experienced in selective mutism is a good next step.

Support usually involves:

• building comfort and confidence through structured steps

• helping the school implement supportive strategies

• coaching parents on how to encourage communication without pressure

• gradually increasing the environments where the child can speak

With the right approach, children with SM do make progress — often faster than parents expect.

You’re Not Alone — We’re Here to Help

If your child is chatty at home but silent at school, you’re dealing with something real — and treatable.
Our team at Selective Mutism Clinic supports families across early childhood, primary and high school years.

If you’d like guidance, feel free to reach out.